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Father Wounds: Can A Man Sabotage His Life If He Has The Need To Be Loyal To His Father?

If a man is finding it hard to move forward in life, he might find it hard to believe that this could be due to what took place during his early years. As far as he is concerned, what took place at this stage of his life could be in the past and that’s the end of it.


The reason why his life is the way it is could be put down to what is going on externally. Consequently, what is taking place “out there’ will be seen as what is holding him back, not what is taking place within him.

A Closer Look

For example, when it comes to his career, he may have only been able to get so far, and, when it comes to his relationships, he might not be very successful. He may see that even when he does make progress, he soon ends up back where he started.

If he does believe that he is being held back, it could be said that this is to be expected. He will want to move forward but there will have been so many external obstacles that have prevented this from taking place.

Ticking All the Boxes

What could make this even harder to accept is that he may have worked very hard over the years. Therefore, he will have done most, if not all, of the “right” things but he won’t have received what he should have received.

There could be moments when he feels helpless and hopeless, and wonders if his life will ever change. He may find that he has started to develop a victim mentality and that he often experiences resentment.

A Hidden Benefit

If it was put forward to him that, although experiencing life in this way is causing him to suffer, he is getting something from it, he could dismiss this view. He could say that this is not possible.

He could say that the fact that he has been trying to change his life for so long and has worked so hard proves that this is not true. What he will need to keep in mind at this point is that he has both a conscious and an unconscious mind.

Two Levels

It will be perfectly clear that one part of him will want to move forward but, as for another part of him, it is likely to be a very different story. To this part of him, moving forward can be seen as something that is not safe.

Until his part of him sees this as something that is safe, he may find that his life doesn’t really change. When it comes to what this part of him sees as safe, it is likely to relate to what took place during his early years.

Going Deeper

This would have been a time when he not only identified with his father but he may have also taken on his father’s challenges. Identifying with his father would have been part of what enabled him to develop a sense of self and taking on his father’s challenges, something that would have taken place automatically, would have been done out of love.

Ultimately, by being given life, he will have had the need to repay his family, and taking on their issues would have been a way for this to take place. This would have been a way for him to try to bring balance back to the family system.

It Was Futile

As well-meaning as he was at this stage of his life, it wasn’t his responsibility to resolve his father’s, or his mother’s, issues. His parents were the only ones who could handle their own issues.

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but, deep down, he will still have the need to be loyal to his father. Living a life that is the same or very similar to the life that his father lived will be a way for this to take place.

Joining the Dots

His father might not have even had had a career, let alone not have done very well, and he might not have had a very good relationship with his mother either. To show his love to his father, he will have to play out the same story.

Breaking away from this story and living a life that is an expression of his true self will be seen as seething that will cause him to lose his father’s love and to betray him. With all this going on in the part of his being that has the biggest impact on his life – his unconscious mind – it is not a surprise that he has been holding himself back.

Drawing the Line

The truth is that he is not on this planet to resolve his father issues; he is here to live his own life. For this to take place, he will need to give back to his father what doesn’t belong to him.

Ultimately, this will be a time when he is going through the individuation process. By letting go of the entanglements that he has to his father, it will create the space for his true essence to shine through and for him to live his own life.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.